I was a young Officer Trainee (OT) at Officer Training School for the USAF when they told me to go find a mascot for our squadron.
We were the snakes so the senior OT leadership told me I needed to find some kind of toy snake, preferably large, and preferably blue … and I needed to find it within the next two days.
What the hell.
I looked at them like they were morons. I had a few hours each day that weekend that I could go into San Antonio but only IF I didn’t get any more demerits that day or the next. The chances of me not getting any more demerits were pretty low. And the chances of me finding a large, blue toy snake? Fuggedaboutit.
Not the Best Officer Trainee
Mostly, I was a fuck-up OT.
I didn’t know how to march, I didn’t know how to clean my room very well, and I tended to ask questions that nobody else asked, which only got us all into trouble. (Apparently, going to Vassar wasn’t the greatest prep for military training.)
I was on every remedial program they had. It was going to take a fishes-and-loaves miracle for me to graduate with my class.
And now they wanted me to find what sounded like an impossibility. A snake. A giant blue snake. In the next 48 hours. (And we didn’t have Amazon back then.) I called around to some toy stores but kept striking out.
Miracles #1 and #2
The first miracle occurred the next day when I passed morning inspection with no demerits (thank you, Baby Jesus and my roommate who taught me not to sleep in my blankets but to sleep on top of my blankets so I didn’t mess anything up). Then I headed into San Antonio. I didn’t know the city or where any shopping was located. I randomly picked a mall and wandered into it.
I found a toy store, walked in, looked up … and there it was. A giant blue stuffed snake overhead, some decoration in the store. I found the manager, made a deal, and walked out with a 12-foot-long stuffed blue toy snake.
I was a fuck-up OT … but sometimes the Universe helps fuck-ups.
The best part was walking that snake into the dorm. (I guess you might call them barracks because it was a military base, but really they were like very clean dorms. It was the Air Force. They didn’t wake us up with bullhorns or pounding steel drums like you see in the movies. They politely knocked on our doors and asked us to get up.)
The other OTs were stunned. I don’t think anyone in my squadron thought I would find a blue snake, let alone a giant blue snake. I had been given the assignment you give to fuck-ups because it’s hopeless. They’re failing and you’re just trying to move them quicker out the door.
But I had found the blue snake. And the really crazy thing? After that, everything started to change.
Sometimes You Make Your Own Miracles
My marching problems? I made a deal with the best marcher in my flight. He instructed me for hours on the drill pad and, in return, I edited his papers.
My “weight” problem? (I had too much muscle and weighed a few pounds more than women were supposed to weigh back then, according to the charts for tiny women.) I starting working out with another OT (a football player from Columbia University) and a few pounds came off.
By the end of OTS, I had top marks in every discipline and I had passed every test, including my drill and fitness tests — plus I was requested as the fitness coach for OTs who were in danger of not passing their fitness tests. Apparently, my exuberant shouting/encouragement frightened people into going faster and harder than they ever thought they could. (This skill would pay off later for me in the CrossFit years.)
Here’s what I won at the end of OTS: Most improved trainee in my flight.
Why Am I Telling You This?
I might look successful and maybe even kinda badass … but once upon a time (and even last week) I was a fuck-up and my future didn’t look so bright. But I found a blue snake … and things started to change.
So, the next time you get handed an impossible task that people expect you to fail at? Surprise them and:
Relish the moment. Here you have a chance to prove them wrong. Oh, this will be fun. Opportunity isn’t just knocking.
Find someone who is good at that thing you suck at. Make a deal with them. Learn from a mentor. Don’t be too proud or defensive.
Get off your ass. Literally. The internet can show us a lot of things … but not everything. Sometimes you have to go wake up your miracle. And remember, courage will come if you call for her.
Take chances and go find your blue snake. Because amazing things happen every damn day so they might as well happen to you.
I am crawling out of the pit of despair of the last few years and starting to write again. I might be battered but for sure not broken; like my blog says, I am Still Standing. Your writing has been a point of light in this dumpster fire (it's not over by any means) and I am going to tag you in my first piece to be published in a long time. Many thanks and I look forward to reading more.
Thank you for this! It resonated with me SO MUCH today!